Tori and Jade Fix Beck Oliver-Elvis Impersonator Edition
by Sicariothrax
Summary: Beck, Tori and Jade are living together. Beck is going through a sort of Mid-life crisis. Jade and Tori aren't thrilled. Hilarity ensues. One Shot. Pairing is Bade with some allusions to Jori. Rated M for thematic content and allusions to mature situations.


Beck's Mid-life Crisis: Tori and Jade fix Beck Oliver

[Tori Vega, Jade West], Beck Oliver

Disclaimer: I do not possess the rights of ownership over the characters or setting of Victorious, copyrights or trademarks thereof are the property of Dan Schneider and his associates. I don't write for monetary compensation nor will I accept any recompense for this. I wrote this tale using the characters for purposes of entertainment and just for fun. No offense or infringement is intended, and I have no desire to anger the powers that be.

a/n: Additionally, the inspiration for this tale came from a tweet I sent to one of my associates on twitter. You will see what I mean by that.

It was August 31st, the year 2035 in the American state of California. The old state house was currently occupied by three celebrities of great fame and importance. The first was Victoria Vega, pop star and America's most eligible "bachelorette". The other two were none other than Jade West and Beckett Oliver, the "former" Hollywood power couple currently on a break, for the billionth time in a row. In the master bedroom, Beck was currently trying to get ready for the audition for a very special role, while his girlfriend and his best friend watched him try on outfits. "It has been two hours, Beck hurry the hell up!" snapped Jade at her boyfriend. Beck sighed and finished buttoning up his jacket. He asked the two women: "So, How do I look?" Victoria regarded him with a critical eye, and said in a deadpan tone: "You look like an effeminate greaser, dude." Jade scowled angrily and barked at Beck: "You and your stupid mid-life crisis. Oh I haven't done any really bizarre or obscure roles, boohoo! Cry me a freaking river you jerk!". Tori shook her head at this, and started to leave the room, only to stop when Jade gave her a pointed look. "Why do you want to do this anyway, Beck? There will be other roles. You really aren't going to take the role if you get it, right?" asked the half-Latina nervously. Beck was about to answer when he was interrupted by his girlfriend.

"Never mind that, Beck, you are continually blowing off our traditional Friday night cuddles" Stated the pale gothic woman menacingly. "Why can't you be happy for me or support me in this, Jade?" Beck retorted. "Because, for the record, you are doing something incredibly stupid in looking for niche roles without a clear idea of what you are signing up for!" said the Goth in a sickly sweet tone of voice. Beck narrowed his eyes and regarded his girlfriend evenly, saying nothing.

Tori decided to try to defuse the impending argument by voicing her concerns about her friend's behavior: "While I will support you in this, in my opinion, you are turning into Sikowitz. It is hard on us when you are going into great extremes of method acting, for heaven's sake, Beck you keep going to these weird late night auditions, including that one you went to solely in your bathrobe!". While she spoke, Tori's body language grew more and more hysterical, but not in a funny way. It was then that Tori decided to leave the room, but not before giving jade a brief cryptic look.

Jade acted unfazed by Tori's behavior and thought carefully of her next words but threw caution to the wind and leveled one of her famous ultimatums: "Look, I have limited patience with this kind of thing, since you are making it kind of hard to get quality time together. Beck if you keep blowing off Friday night cuddles, you are going to be sleeping on that hideous couch Vega bought for us." Beck took off the jacket he was wearing and tried on another one, acting like he wasn't concerned a miniscule amount by that threat.

"Beck, seriously, just spend some time with Jade, so she will be happier!" yelled Tori from the living room, provoking a eye roll from Jade and a brief look of puzzlement from Beck. "It seems strange that Vega and West would live in the same house and not kill each other." He mused out loud. "That's because Jade had made me promise to keep an eye on you for her so that other women stay away from you, on pain of Scissors! And bloody death, starting with the pretty girl" said Tori from her spot in the living room. Beck snorted, with amusement.

He asked another question that occurred to him: "Dare I ask why the two of you would make such a deal? It's not really a secret that Jade has repeatedly claimed to not really care a single iota about you, Tori. I mean, don't you remember our high school days?". It was a valid question from Beck's point of view: After all, Jade had a reputation for her long memory and even longer sense of patience for taking revenge on those who crossed her. Teacher, student, Father, child or celebrity-it didn't matter who they were, Jade could find a way to make things tiresome and stressful and potentially life-threatening to her victims. In some ways, her insecurity at times prompted a sort of sociopathic disregard for rules or social proprieties. Yet, Tori nearly always stayed on course, and tried time and time again to patch things up with Jade. For a time, it had been quietly rumored among the student body of Hollywood Arts that Tori-compassionate, kind, naturally talented, popular, cheerful Tori Vega- must have been nursing one heck of a crush on Jade, for her to tolerate and not lash out at the gothic woman or to give up when anyone else might well have written her off as unlikeable and without redeeming qualities.

To his surprise, it was Jade who answered him: "Beck, just because we were rivals in high school doesn't really mean that I had no respect for her. Besides, remember when we were on a break, you had "accidentally" hooked up with Alyssa Vaughn while drunk. Tori and I briefly dated each other out in college, shortly after that, however we never got any further than maybe a few dinner dates and one drunken night of kissing and cuddling. After that, we both agreed that we're better as 'kind of friends but not really'".

Tori appeared in the doorway and said "Jade freaked out, and I felt guilty about going along with the whole thing". Jade laughed and said "Well, it was fun. Beck's always going to be the man for me, though, Tori. Never mention this to anyone outside of this room, but I kind of wanted to give you some closure regarding your crush on me at the time." Tori actually blushed, and muttered a quiet "thanks" to the Goth. "'Your little Jori' phase." Said Beck, grinning to himself at his own little pun. Jade turned serious again and explained to her boyfriend: "That was shortly before we got back together again last time, after I started a series of jokes on TwitFlash about being a badass Goth version of Katy Perry. "

Tori finally asked Beck: "What role are you trying out for?". She feared the worst, given that Beck was silent for ten minutes before answering her query. Jade smirked to herself, having a good idea why Beck was stalling for time.

He sighed and said "The lead for a new film called The King of Shadows, Budgest. He's described as a charming man of sophistication and class on a quest to right wrongs and bring justice to the oppressed." At this, Jade started laughing uproariously, prompting puzzled looks from Tori and Beck. "HEAHAHAAHAAHAA! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Beck, you idiot! Cat's working as costume designer on that film. If you get the role, you'll be playing an Elvis Impersonator that carries a Bastard Sword!" crowed his girlfriend. Jade stopped laughing and said in a unsettlingly accurate Elvis accent: "I'm Beck Oliver and I forget to do my research before trying out for a role! All those times that Sikowitz called me Elvis, turns out my dream is to be Elvis with a Sword! I'm Canadian and I want to be Elvis, and he's just such a hero! Oh, wait Budgest isn't Elvis. "

Beck realized with growing horror that his girlfriend would likely not ever let him forget this. "Hey, I wanted to get a challenge. Easy roles are boring. Besides, didn't you try out for a Rock band in New York? How'd that go for you?" snapped the tanned Canadian, as he stormed out of the house, and got into his car. He was late for the appointment with his destiny, and with Elvis.

The headlines on the television the next night read thusly:

[BREAKING NEWS: THE HIGHLY OBSCURE PROJECT "BUDGEST, THE KING OF SHADOWS" BY WARPED DREAMS STUDIOS HAS CAST BECKETT OLIVER AS BUDGEST. JADE WEST HAS BEEN CAST AS THE LOVE INTEREST. VICTORIA VEGA IS IN TALKS FOR THE ROLE OF THE SISTER OF THE LOVE INTEREST. LADY KATRINA VEGA IS PLAYING THE ROLE OF BUDGEST'S MOTHER]


End file.
